ODE - DITS - POEMS

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Pelican
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ODE - DITS - POEMS

Unread post by Pelican »

From the Grey Funnel Line
Things Only A Sailor Will Understand

1) The smell and sound of the ship as you return from leave and open the AX hatch.

2) Going down the mess, after being at Specials for three hours in the blazing sun, to find the fridge open and a cold Red Death waiting for you

3) The joy of an all night in at sea.

4) Stowing the fwd spring on a reel, down the half deck

5) The buzz of a dark ops room, at 06:00 on a Thursday morning down Portland

6) Walking into The Albany, on pay day, on a Friday at 12:30, knowing the next twelve hours are going to be emotional

7) A torch in the eyes at 03:30, and the awful words "Three thirty shippers, time to get up"

8) 'Pegging in' the night before sailing for six months

9) The chilled out atmosphere on a bridge at night, and in the Ops Room, the ghostly hissing of TG HF and ships talking from hundreds of miles away

10) The cold wind and howl of machinery as you close up on the Alaskan Highway at 01:00 for a RAS

11) The smell of an STP, Anti Flash hood, fresh laundry from the dhoby shack, FX POS Locker, and a mess with thirty types of aftershave, as the boys prepare to go ashore

12) How to make twenty year old deck tiles gleam like a mirror, and watch a leaking salt water hose get dragged across them two hours later

13) How great 'The ship is in position. Double up and secure' sounds.

14) Going down the ladder into your first mess on your first sea draft.

15) Beer chits

16) First pint of the day in The Donkeys' Flip Flop

17) How to go from sailor watching Blind Date and eating pizza in mess, to sailor in firefighting suit testing BA, in three minutes

18) Spuds cooked in margarine.

19) Standing in a queue of blokes in towels, in the passageway outside the showers, and trying to shave with one hand, and not disappear across the compartment as the ship hits a big goffer.

20) A Sunday Roast, down the Gulf, alongside in Dubai, with failed aircon.

21) Store ship, with a queue of 3663 lorries on the jetty, and the conveyors are all opdef. And it's raining. And you were in Jo's until 02:00.

22) Falling asleep down 3 P mess, listening to the active sonars of ships nearby, the creaking of the ship, muffled TV from the mess square, snoring...

23) Cruel Sea Night, with a few tins in a dark mess. Not enough seats, so you get to sit on the deck, whilst your living room moves around and creaks and groans and the floor vibrates as the screws come out the water.

24) Walking out the yard for the last time, and not realising you'll always be Jack, just in different rig.

25) "D'ya hear there! Jack Blair's, purveyor of fine quality menswear. Gucci. Levi. Is now in attendance on the jetty. (Pause) AB Smith......jetty!"

26) "Daily Editorials!"

27) Being 'King Of The Spring' on the FX of a CVS.

28) Mess square pits, sleeping bag liners, and going on draft the night before the ship sails, having left marbles in your locker / boot drawer / vent trunking.

29) How to hide crates of Grolsh so well, Sherlock Holmes wouldn't find them.

30) Cleaning the fwd heads for evening rounds, hunting round for a doodlebug and clean scotchbrite, wiping off 'substances' from the trap walls, and then finding out it's Macaroni Cheese for evening scran.

Things Only an S&S Rating Will Understand

1) The Sunday Bop in Nelson, and walking round Monday morning laughing at Dabbers and Stokers in Foulie Jackets.

2) Visiting a warship on Navy Days.

3) Being sea sick on the Gosport Queen.

4) Telling the Chief Steward there aren't enough bods for the cocktail party, and watching dabbers getting stitched.

5) Standing by the Chacon on the jetty with a fag and a brew, clutching inventory clipboard, whilst watching Ops Department store ship.

6) Laughing when being told the Ops Room is going 1 in 2, and then asking the CPOWTR what 1 in 2 means.

7) Climbing into a cab in the jetty, and proceeding ashore, whilst the dabbers commence a fresh water wash down of the screens.

8) Getting an early shake (22:00) because some new joiner Stoker wants a bedding issue.

9) Taking a good looking chick into the Ops Room on families day, and declaring loudly "And this is where we detect and shoot down enemy aircraft!". Because showing her the clothing store, dry store, Ships Office and how to issue Bats won't be nearly as fun.
HMS Pelican 1938 - 1958 GGCV L86 U86 F86 What I Have I Hold ~ A wonderful bird is the Pelican its beak can hold more than its belly can.
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Pelican
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Re: ODE - DITS - POEMS

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3 'OLD' Ones attached which you may wish to keep.
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HMS Pelican 1938 - 1958 GGCV L86 U86 F86 What I Have I Hold ~ A wonderful bird is the Pelican its beak can hold more than its belly can.
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Pelican
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Re: ODE - DITS - POEMS

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THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
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HMS Pelican 1938 - 1958 GGCV L86 U86 F86 What I Have I Hold ~ A wonderful bird is the Pelican its beak can hold more than its belly can.
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Pelican
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Re: ODE - DITS - POEMS

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Hosiffers
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HMS Pelican 1938 - 1958 GGCV L86 U86 F86 What I Have I Hold ~ A wonderful bird is the Pelican its beak can hold more than its belly can.
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Pelican
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Re: ODE - DITS - POEMS

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THE MATELOT

A Matelot is not born. He is made out of leftovers. God built the world and the animals and then recycled the gash to create this dastardly weapon. He took the leftover roar of the lion, the howl of the hyena, the clumsiness of the ox, the stubbornness of the mule, the slyness of the fox, the wildness of the bull and the of a peacock then added the filthy evil mind of the devil to satisfy his weird sense of humour.

A Matelot evolved into a crude combination of John Dillinger, Errol Flynn, Beau Brummel and Valentino: a swashbuckling, beer-swilling, lovemaking liar. A Matelot likes girls, rum, beer, fights, uckers, runs ashore, pubs, jokes, long leave and his mates. He hates Officers, rounds, divisions, saluting middies, reggies, joss men, navy scran and...his turn in the barrel !!

He is brave drinking beer, abusive playing crib, brutal defending his pride and passionate making love. He can start a brawl, create a disaster, offend the law, desert his ship, make you lose your money, your temper and your mind. He can take your sister, your mother, your aunt and, when he is caught, get his Divisional Officer to vouch for his integrity.

A Matelot is loved by all mothers, sisters, aunts and nieces but hated by all fathers, brothers, uncles and nephews. He has a girl in every port and breaks more hearts and causes more fights than any other man yet, when he is off to sea, he is missed more than any other.

A Matelot is a mean, hard drinking, fast running son-of-a-bitch but, when you are in trouble, he is a strong shoulder to lean on, a pillar of wisdom and a defender of the faith and cause. He fights for his mate and dies for his country without question or hesitation.

This is a Matelot and I'm so proud to have been one proud to have been one.
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HMS Pelican 1938 - 1958 GGCV L86 U86 F86 What I Have I Hold ~ A wonderful bird is the Pelican its beak can hold more than its belly can.
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Pelican
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Re: ODE - DITS - POEMS

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What Is A Matelot ?

A Matelot is not born, he is made out of leftovers! God built the world and the animals and then recycled the gash to create this dastardly weapon.

He took the leftover roar of the lion, the howl of the hyena, the clumsiness of the ox, the stubborness of the mule, the slyness of the fox, the wildness of the bull and the pride of a peacock – then added the filthy evil mind of the devil to satisfy his wierd sense of humour.

A Matelot evolved into a crude combination of John Dillinger, Errol Flynn, Beau Brummel and Valentino – a swashbuckling – beer-swilling – lovemaking – LIAR!

A Matelot likes girls, rum, beer, fights, uckers, runs ashore, pubs, jokes, long leave, his mates and his ticket. He hates officers, rounds, divisions, saluting middies, naval police, painting the side, jaunties, navy scran, his turn in the barrel and signing on!

A Matelot comes in four colours; white, off white, dirty and filthy – all looking
alike under a tan and a uniform.

He is brave drinking beer, abusive playing crib, brutal defending his pride and passionate making love.

He can start a brawl, create a disaster, offend the law, desert his ship, make you lose your money, your temper and your mind!

He can take your sister, your mother, your aunt, and when he is caught get his captain to vouch for his integrity.

A matelot is loved by all mothers, sisters, aunts and nieces; hated by all fathers, brothers, uncles and nephews.

He has a girl in every port and a port in every girl. He breaks more hearts, causes more fights and begets more bastards than any other man, yet when he is off to sea he is missed more than any other!

A matelot is a mean, hard drinking, fast running, mealy mouthed son-of-a-bitch, but when you are in strife he is a strong shoulder to lean on, a pillar of wisdom, and a defender of the faith and cause. He fights for his mate, and dies for his country, without question or hesitation!

This is a Matelot!
HMS Pelican 1938 - 1958 GGCV L86 U86 F86 What I Have I Hold ~ A wonderful bird is the Pelican its beak can hold more than its belly can.
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jbryce1437
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Re: ODE - DITS - POEMS

Unread post by jbryce1437 »

I Was A Sailor Once.
In years to come when sailors are home from the sea, they will still remember with fondness and respect, the ocean in all its moods. The impossible, shimmering mirror calm and the storm tossed green water surging over the bow. Then there will come again a faint whiff of funnel gas, a faint echo of engine and rudder orders, a vision of the bright bunting of signal flags snapping at the yardarm, a refrain of hearty laughter.
Gone ashore for good, they will grow wistful about their navy days, when the seas belonged to them and a new port of call was ever over the horizon, remembering this they will stand taller and say:
I was a sailor once, and numbers will never be the same again:
Kit: 1's 2's 3's 4's 6's 8's 10's 10A's
Punishment: Number 9's, 10 days stoppage, 7 days cells
And can someone explain why 2-6 is heavy?
Only a sailor knows...
I was a sailor once and I look back and realise it was not just a job, it was a way of life. A family where shipmates became brothers and part of a team.
I was a sailor once and I still can't forget my Official Number.
When medical science receives my body, as they examine it they will find a tattoo inside my brain with my Official Number and an anchor where my heart is.
I was a sailor once and I like the navy because, even as times change and the youth takes over from the old seadogs, some things never change:
The bitching is still the same.
The old days were always harder.
The recruits were always greener.
Official Numbers were always smaller.
Men were made of iron and ships were made of steel.
The goffers were always bigger.
I am too old now for a ship's reunion, my ships have long since gone to the knacker's yard but I can imagine sitting back and observing that friendships and respect would still be as strong and binding as ever.
The ditties would still be as interesting - only the tale will get bigger.
If we haven't been there, it doesn't exist - or we blew it off the map.
Only a sailor knows.
I was a sailor once and I know.
I was a sailor once, I was part of the Royal Navy and the Royal Navy will always be a part of me....

Author unknown.
HMS Raleigh 1963 , HMS Collingwood 1963 & 67 , HMS Ark Royal 1964-7, HMS Undaunted 1968-71, HMS Victory (Fleet Maintenance Group) 1971-72, HMS Exmouth 1972-74
JEM, EM, OEM, LOEM, POOEL
Then 28 years in the Fire Brigade
Retired since 2002
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ivorthediver
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Re: ODE - DITS - POEMS

Unread post by ivorthediver »

very sobering Jim , and sad ........
"What Ever Floats your Boat"
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Pelican
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Re: ODE - DITS - POEMS

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What are all we?
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HMS Pelican 1938 - 1958 GGCV L86 U86 F86 What I Have I Hold ~ A wonderful bird is the Pelican its beak can hold more than its belly can.
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Pelican
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Re: ODE - DITS - POEMS

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A Covid Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, but Covid was here,

So we all had to stay extra cautious this year.

Our masks were all hung by the chimney with care

In case Santa forgot his and needed a spare.

With Covid, we couldn't leave cookies or cake

So we left Santa hand sanitizer to take.



The children were sleeping, the brave little tots

The ones over 5 had just had their first shots,

And mom in her kerchief and me in my cap

Had just settled in for a long winter's nap.

But we tossed and we turned all night in our beds

As visions of variants danced in our heads.



Gamma and Delta and now Omicron

These Covid mutations that go on and on

I thought to myself, "If this doesn't get better,

I'll soon be familiar with every Greek letter".



Then just as I started to drift off and doze

A clatter of noise from the front lawn arose.

I leapt from my bed and ran straight down the stair

I opened the door, and an old gent stood there.



His N 95 made him look pretty weird

But I knew who he was by his red suit and beard.

I kept six feet away but blurted out quick

" What are you doing here, jolly Saint Nick?"



Then I said, "Where's your presents, your reindeer and sleigh ?

Don't you know that tomorrow will be Christmas Day? ".

And Santa stood there looking sad in the snow

As he started to tell me a long tale of woe.



He said he'd been stuck at the North Pole alone

All his white collar elves had been working from home,

And most of the others said "Santa, don't hire us!

We can live off the CERB now, thanks to the virus".



Those left in the toyshop had little to do.

With supply chain disruptions, they could make nothing new.

And as for the reindeer, they'd all gone away.

None of them left to pull on his sleigh.



He said Dasher and Dancer were in quarantine,

Prancer and Vixen refused the vaccine,

Comet and Cupid were in ICU,

So were Donner and Blitzen, they may not pull through.



And Rudolph's career can't be resurrected.

With his shiny red nose, they all think he's infected.

Even with his old sleigh, Santa couldn't go far.

Every border to cross needs a new PCR.



Santa sighed as he told me how nice it would be

If children could once again sit on his knee.

He couldn't care less if they're naughty or nice

But they'd have to show proof that they'd had their shot twice.



But then the old twinkle returned to his eyes.

And he said that he'd brought me a Christmas surprise.

When I unwrapped the box and opened it wide,

Starlight and rainbows streamed out from inside.



Some letters whirled round and flew up to the sky

And they spelled out a word that was 40 feet high.

There first was an H, then an O, then a P,

Then I saw it spelled HOPE when it added the E.



"Christmas magic" said Santa as he smiled through his beard.

Then suddenly all of the reindeer appeared.

He jumped into his sleigh and he waved me good-bye,

Then he soared o'er the rooftops and into the sky.



I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight

"Get your vaccines my friends, Merry Christmas, good-night".

Then I went back to bed and a sweet Christmas dream

Of a world when we'd finished with Covid 19.
HMS Pelican 1938 - 1958 GGCV L86 U86 F86 What I Have I Hold ~ A wonderful bird is the Pelican its beak can hold more than its belly can.
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