Wouldn't be surprised

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Vegaskip
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Wouldn't be surprised

Unread post by Vegaskip »

British Armed Forces - We took the Oath
12 August at 08:29
The Ministry of Defence Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the auto makers of all Armed Forces vehicles for the past five years.
Under this plan the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive, staff cars, tanks, AVREs, trucks, plant and all other vehicles in an effort to determine, in all accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find that in all incidents the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh Shit!"
It was only the ones involving Royal Navy personnel in which the last words were different.
In these cases 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer, I'm going to try something’!"
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jbryce1437
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Re: Wouldn't be surprised

Unread post by jbryce1437 »

:D
HMS Raleigh 1963 , HMS Collingwood 1963 & 67 , HMS Ark Royal 1964-7, HMS Undaunted 1968-71, HMS Victory (Fleet Maintenance Group) 1971-72, HMS Exmouth 1972-74
JEM, EM, OEM, LOEM, POOEL
Then 28 years in the Fire Brigade
Retired since 2002
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Pelican
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Re: Wouldn't be surprised

Unread post by Pelican »

WORLD UCKERS CHAMPIONSHIPS' COMING SHORTLY SPONSORED BY PUSSER'S RUM IN POMPEY DOCKYARD
"Tim and I orften play this, once he had a 'Mixy Blob' got it down the 'gut'. Now remind me, which way up does it go!"
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HMS Pelican 1938 - 1958 GGCV L86 U86 F86 What I Have I Hold ~ A wonderful bird is the Pelican its beak can hold more than its belly can.
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limeybiker
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Location: Ocala Florida

Re: Wouldn't be surprised

Unread post by limeybiker »

Four Times Too Many...
Suzie and Ann were having coffee together and Ann was depressed.

"What's wrong?" Suzie asked.

"I was married four times in five years and every one of my husbands passed away," replied Ann.

Suzie asked, "What did they do for a living?"

"Well, said Ann, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was an actor, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician."

Suzie, with a sly grin said, "Oh, I see, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go..."
  • Up Spirits
    It’s Tot Time
    somewhere in the World
Yours Aye
Barry and Sharon Lockyer
Sunny Ocala, FL 34476 USA
http://www.barrylockyer.com/[/b]
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jbryce1437
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Location: Roker, Sunderland

Re: Wouldn't be surprised

Unread post by jbryce1437 »

London City airport has been closed all day following the discovery of a WW2 bomb.
I have been asked why a bomb in London would be defused by a Royal Navy Bomb Disposal Team rather than army?
For the benefit of my civilian friends, all 3 services have a Bomb Disposal capability.
Who deals with the device depends on where the bomb is found. The Royal Navy deal with anything below the high water mark, the Army deal with anything above the high water mark and the RAF deal with bath bombs and fizzy pop unless there is a danger of spiders when they call in a service with more seniority... such as the Scouts.

So now you know :-)
HMS Raleigh 1963 , HMS Collingwood 1963 & 67 , HMS Ark Royal 1964-7, HMS Undaunted 1968-71, HMS Victory (Fleet Maintenance Group) 1971-72, HMS Exmouth 1972-74
JEM, EM, OEM, LOEM, POOEL
Then 28 years in the Fire Brigade
Retired since 2002
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ivorthediver
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Re: Wouldn't be surprised

Unread post by ivorthediver »

Just seen this one Jim , sounds to true to be a joke , are you sure its posted in the right section :?:
"What Ever Floats your Boat"
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jbryce1437
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Re: Wouldn't be surprised

Unread post by jbryce1437 »

Just arrived home after seeing my best mate take his last breath,I was honoured to have been there at the end,This was a man who dodged a snipers Bullet in the Falklands,armed patrols in N.Ireland,A man who walked away from a high speed motorbike crash,at the hospital he couldn't speak for all the pipes & tubes coming out of every orifice,just before he went he beckoned me over and tried to tell me something I couldn't understand what he wanted,I asked if he could write,He nodded,I passed him some paper from his bedside table and took a pencil out of my pocket,he began to write Unfortunately as he was writing he stopped,the pencil fell to the floor and his machine flatlined and the paper fell to the floor all crumpled up, Nurses rushed around Trying to revive him all to no avail,He now knew the answer to all the questions we ever asked each other including the ultimate one ,I picked up the crumpled note and walked to the carpark trying to avoid Looking at the faces and drove home I needed a drink poured a Kraken I smoothed out the Note and it was Just a jumble of letters,I was about to bin it,Then a thought struck me Maybe its a final message with hidden importance it just appears to be a jumble of letters to me,So i decided to share it with you all,to see if anyone can decipher it, I'm not very good at Anagrams or conundrums it says
"GETOFFMYFRIGINOXEGENPIPEYOUFATBAST"
HMS Raleigh 1963 , HMS Collingwood 1963 & 67 , HMS Ark Royal 1964-7, HMS Undaunted 1968-71, HMS Victory (Fleet Maintenance Group) 1971-72, HMS Exmouth 1972-74
JEM, EM, OEM, LOEM, POOEL
Then 28 years in the Fire Brigade
Retired since 2002
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ivorthediver
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Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 8:42 pm
Location: Cambridge Shore Battery

Re: Wouldn't be surprised

Unread post by ivorthediver »

Thats either very sad ...or you have like me a warped sense of humour Jim .......I spilt my tot whilst reading it ;)
"What Ever Floats your Boat"
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