Lewin of Greenwich Naval History & Forum

your my kind of Man Jim strange we haven't met whilst out jogging

ivorthediver wrote: ↑Sat Jan 16, 2021 3:46 pm your my kind of Man Jim strange we haven't met whilst out jogging

Unless you pass between me and my bottle of rum, we never will

JIm

AA MEETING LATER IN 2021

Better late than never, one of my American golfing buddy, saw Doc Martin on PBS, Public Broadcasting, he asked me what a tosser was. He has a great sense of humour, now calls everyone a tosser, they have no idea what he is talking about.

CHANNEL ISLANDS FISHING

Many are now boycotting French produce for the duration.

Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.
He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it’s a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.
So he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan.
He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen.
But he won’t say what it is, so he asks Father Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes.
He leads Father Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor.
"Well." Says the priest. "It’s pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top."
"No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that." Exclaimed Murphy.
"Oh my Lord." Says Father Flanagan. "Dropped toast never falls with the butter side up. It’s a miracle! Wait… it’s not for me to say it’s a miracle. I’ll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he’ll have to deal with it. He’ll send some people round to interview you and take photos, etc."
A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome.
No expense is spared.
There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much needed tourism revenue.
Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling.
"It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy’s kitchen, quite outside the natural laws of the universe. Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out.


Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared No Miracle because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!"

Sounds about right Jim .....

So this morning was surreal.... We were out having a drive and we're following an ambulance
when I noticed a small metal box sitting on the rear bumper. When the ambulance turned right
the box flew off and landed on the side of the road against the kerb. Call us the curious type or
just the Good Samaritans that we are, we pulled over and I got out and retrieved it.
When I opened the box there was a human toe packed in ice inside it. So I phoned the
A&E dept at the Hospital to see if the ambulance was going there and explained
what I had found. The lady on the other end of the phone said "Yes the ambulance
had just arrived but is missing the box". I gave her my address and asked if they
were going to send another ambulance to collect it.

The lady replied "No we’ll just send a tow truck".

SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES THAT WORK:
1. To avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables, get someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. To avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat-use the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. (remember to use a timer.)
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives - you'll be afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem!

Please feel free to offer any further remedies that work


Jim

No comment needed.